If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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