Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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