If i could tip my vagina, i would.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
