Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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