Too much gin, very little bucket
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
