do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
