My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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