I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
