Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
