she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
