Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We left the knife in your bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
