paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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