May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
