She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
