I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
