all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
