I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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