When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
