I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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