Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im just a social blackout drinker.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
