upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
