I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
