Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
