Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
