Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
