Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
