i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
