does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
