Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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