we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
