ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
