Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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