im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
