connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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