I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
