Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
