I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
