Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
