i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
