This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
