i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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