I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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