I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
