I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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