garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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