hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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