He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
