My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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