i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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