i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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