its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
