my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
