Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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